The Big 6 – Christina’s story
I remember when I finally decided to disclose I had ADHD. It took me over a year to work up the courage, and I almost didn’t do it. The risks seemed too high.
As a business owner and exec. leadership coach, the stigma, shame and risk of rejection were too much. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my parents, let alone my clients. Who would want to hire an executive leadership coach that had ADHD?
Disclosing was a risk. A risk for my reputation, a risk to my business and a risk to my ability to provide for my family.
ADHD is far from a glamorous condition; it can be riddled with shame.
I’ve had a corporate career, run my own business for 12 years, but always in the background, I’ve been masking all the symptoms. Women internalise them. We’re experts at masking, saying everything is ‘fine’ when it’s not.
I was one of the lucky ones as I had access to a number of credible professionals and trusted friends with who I could share and gain greater understanding. I also had access to an ADHD assessment with Dr Sally Cubbin, and a therapist & ADHD coach, Dianne Zaccheo, and I’m in a lucky enough position to afford their help.
Therefore, I built my confidence through clear assessment and understanding and access to the right professional support that I needed. Fundamentally, I had a safe space to share my story.
When and where did I disclose my ADHD?
The first place I disclosed was my book… I wrote a bit about my ADHD diagnosis, and my editor said “are you sure Jenny, isn’t this a book to help you grow your business?” Not an encouraging start.
Then social media… I shared a Linkedin post at 7pm on a Friday night. I had the benefit of a professionally-produced video, with the help of Takeda – I’m an ambassador for the #Staringbackatme campaign. Even so, the post took me over an hour to write, and I felt sick once I’d posted it. The public declaration and disclosure was a terrifying moment.
Getting a diagnosis of ADHD was one of the best things that’s happened to me. It taught me so much about myself. So many moments in my life came into focus. I’d been called ‘scatterbrained’, told I was lazy, disorganised and I wasn’t trying hard enough. Other women I know have been labelled as disruptive, blunt and rude. There’s still so much shame and stigma with ADHD. It’s so misunderstood, especially among women. It’s not just a disorder that affects young men!
What does ADHD mean for me?
I realise that the struggles and difficulties I had are textbook ADHD symptoms – and aren’t because I’m useless or stupid. Through understanding myself within the context of an ADHD diagnosis, I can now manage myself:
- Non-stop talking, fidgeting, unable to concentrate unless I’m really interested, numerous signs and symptoms. It’s been so normal for me that I never saw it as being abnormal. I could name this as something that’s part of my condition.
- At times I’ve felt like an achievement addict – with ADHD there is a high risk of addiction, because addiction gives you the dopamine hit, which is what we are all after. At its extreme, it leads to being a workaholic, overwhelmed and unable to stop.
- Something that’s a strength and also a weakness is hyperfocus. If something interests me, I’m in 100%. Put me on a project, and I’ll master it within days. However, this strength can easily turn into stress, overwhelm and burnout.
- In the moments of overwhelm, I got neck pain and tightness, I didn’t sleep, I’d wake up, have a thought and start writing in the middle of the night. I used to be like that, but not anymore; I’m aware of my triggers so I have strategies around me. I’ll set myself tough boundaries, like finishing at lunchtime then won’t work in the afternoon.
- I’m very good at dealing with chaos. Most people would run out of a burning building, but I’d run right in there and deal with it because I can. But I have probably tolerated stuff that wasn’t really good for me for longer than I should, and that affects me as well.
Masking parts of our identity and hiding who we are is one of the biggest blockers to fulfilling our potential. When we know ourselves, we can become more of ourselves. Full stop.
Was the risk worth it for me?
Disclosing my ADHD has given me a new mission and purpose in my work life. Next month, I’m launching a Social Enterprise dedicated to helping neurodiverse women in leadership access the opportunities and potential that they deserve. Watch this space for more news soon!
What’s my advice to anyone with a question about disclosing ADHD’?
- Take your time. A diagnosis can bring a lot of buried feelings, trauma and grief with it. Don’t put yourself under any pressure and give yourself the space to come to terms with what it means for you.
- If you feel any risk at all, share in a safe space first. Share with people that you trust. Consider speaking to a well-run support group or professional in a specialist space.
- There are many companies, charities and resources that can advise you. Please see a few below that I would recommend as a starting point.
- It’s a personal journey, no two people will have the same experience, but you are not alone. Seek out people who understand what you’re going through and share your experiences. When we find ourselves, we find each other.
ADHD Foundation
ADHD Clinic
Genius Within
ADHD UK
ADHDgirls
ADDitude
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