The Big 6 – Christina’s story
I made this video last year, not long after my diagnosis of ADHD, and coming to terms with what that meant for me.
Leadership is lonely, and so is having a neurodiverse condition, particularly when you don’t understand the difficulties that it gives you.
I’d spent so long managing and masking my condition on my own, that I didn’t even realise the extent to which I wasn’t coping due to my ADHD. I was so burnt out and exhausted that I felt the only option I had was to close my business down. It was making me too ill and unhappy. I’d survived leading and succeeding an Ltd business for 12 years, but at a cost to myself. Unaware that I had a disability, that I needed help. I was succeeding despite my disability, but I was barely surviving, and certainly not thriving.
I was suffering from high-functioning anxiety but didn’t even think I was anxious. With my ADHD, I have a relentless drive, super high energy, and I’m excited by everything! When something really interests me, I can enter ‘hyperfocus’. It’s been described as driving a Ferrari with bicycle brakes, and means I can achieve an incredible amount in a short space of time. But it’s unmanageable and I ended up burning out. It took me years to recover. I just thought it was down to being a single mum and a business owner. Who wouldn’t burn out quite frankly?
Women can exhibit the symptoms of ADHD very differently than the ill-informed stereotype of ‘disruptive boy in class’. Women with ADHD are often misdiagnosed, and approx. 75% of women with ADHD are undiagnosed.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is a far less fun and productive symptom of my ADHD. It means I can suddenly lose all confidence and belief in my ability. I become overwhelmed and feel there’s too much to do, that I can’t cope. This can mean panic attacks or sudden ‘lows’. Before my diagnosis, I had no idea what was happening to me. I can now recognise my triggers and take steps in time to avoid the worst of the symptoms.
A few simple things I’ve found that make a massive difference to me and managing my ADHD:
- My calendar
Everything gets written down, including travel time and what time I have to leave the house. I know exactly when and where I have to be somewhere. Time Blindness can make it very difficult to plan; things happen ‘right now’ or at a vague ‘later’, so alarms and reminders are very useful. - Exercise
My brain needs the dopamine hit. A short run, youtube workout, even a 15 min yoga session throughout the day can refocus my energy and keep me on track. - Support
By reaching out and asking for help, I have been overwhelmed by the amazing people in my life. Online or in-person, surround yourself with a support network that will listen and understand you. If you don’t already have one, put yourself out there! It’s scary and daunting, but don’t be afraid to ask for help. Shame dies when we find a safe space to share our story.
My ADHD diagnosis has meant that I’ve moved from a place of hiding to a place of new felt pride and shouting. But just because I’ve decided to stop hiding and masking my symptoms, it doesn’t mean for one minute that I don’t drop back into the hole of shame – full of imposter syndrome. It’s a funny thing this neurodiverse brain – one minute I feel like I can take on the the world – the next I’m hiding under a blanket.
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